Today (most days)

"And now I'm calling out to you,
this is a call,
this is a call out.
Cause everytime I fall down,
I reach out to you.
and I'm losing all control now,
and my hazard signs are all out...
I'm asking you to show me
what this life is all about."

Thousand Foot Krutch 'This Is a Call"

We have finally discovered a safe and legal way to slow Eden down... she insists on wearing these things everything, but walks like a 90-year-old woman.

A week in my world...

Just in case you really want to know, I will share...

Friday:
mood~8
Today I feel very good, very normal. Steady.

Saturday:
mood~8/9
Happy, but getting edgy & anxious, short-tempered, very energetic, lots of thoughts today

Sunday:
mood~7/8
Ok today. I feel more normal than I have in weeks.

Monday:
mood~8-9
Really wired today, happy and a lot going on in my brain, but I fee like I can handle a lot.

Tuesday:
mood~10
I am so happy & energetic today, I have a zillion ideas and I can't wait to work on tem. I just can't seem to move fast enough. I feel like the top of my skull has been removed and any thought is able to pass through, in and out. I want to cry a lot for some reason, as soon as something reminds me of something sad, the tears just spring right out. I'm not sad, I can't explain it. I'm just feeling a LOT.

Wednesday:
mood~10
Same as yesterday, a little more energetic, a little more weepy. I think I had the best sex of my life tonight. Slept about 3 hours last night.

Thursday:
mood~10
nervous energy~8/9
Very jittery, very anxious, but not stressed. EVERYTHING is funny today and my kids are so precious I could cry. More great sex. 2 nights in a row is (sadly) rare for us. Slept about 6 hours last night.

Friday:
mood~7/8
nervous energy
8am~7
noon~8/9
Really edgy & tense. I keep yelling at Eden :(
evening:
mood~3/4
nervous energy~3/4
Crying more, not sure why.
night:
I just want to be in bed. Keep crying and thinking tat my life is going no where. 1/2 of me wants to jump up and do something drastic, the other 1/2 of me can't even roll over for another tissue.

Saturday:
mood~4
nervous energy~4
More crying, it just keeps coming out of me. I can't stand the repetitive noises the kids are making. Slept in till 9:00.
evening:
Cheered up after several drinks and had fun playing cards with our company.

Sunday:
morning:
mood~6/7
nervous energy~3/4
After all the tears of the past couple days I can't believe how normal I feel, just... normal. I guess.
afternoon:
mood~?
nervous energy~7/8
Had a hard time in church, everything felt so huge, it was hard to get a grip. I started feeling very anxious and edgy, weepy and scatter-brained.
evening:
mood~8/9
nervous energy~ 8/9
I am EDGY, I want to cry, or run, or SOMETHING. Can not sit still, can not keep a rational logical thought. burned some energy doing a simple workout. can't sleep, can't seem to rest my mind. i an NOT comfortable or happy. considering having a few drinks and watching a movie.

Weekend Summary...

Ok, the weekend is not offically over, but here's 10 things to describe what we've had so far:

1-snow
2-Mikes Hard Lemonade
3-Texas Holdem
4-Pocahontas
5-Bridge Jones-The Edge of Reason
6-Fuzzy Navals
7-sleeping in
8-tears
9-Desperate Housewives
10-birthday cake

Sucky

After four of five completely manic days I'm feeling myself slip and it's scarey and frustrating that I have no power to catch myself. Everything made me cry yesterday... everything. I can't help feeling that my life is going no where while I sit here doing nothing. But I can't get up.

It's 2:30... do you know where YOUR bed is?

It's 2:30 and I'm still wide-awake. That can really only mean one thing...


Also, I have actually (applause please) figured out how to include images in my posts... yay me!

This is what I wanted to post last night, my girlfriends brand new little real-life baby doll :)

Anyone?

I'm really annoyed that I can't figure out how to post images with this blogger. I guess I can't get the html tags right. Robin tried to show me how to use the right tags to create a links list, but I can't even get that right. Anyone care to help me? I don't have Hello on my laptop (don't think it could handle one more thing).

CANT... STAND... WAITING

I just can't stand sitting around and waiting to hear news...

Today I bought:

new sandals

~and~

toenail polish

It is SO spring.

Why

Why am I posting?

Why can't I seem to get over here these days?

Why am I so depressed?

I can't seem to get over this annoying hump in life, and then I get mad at myself because I start believing that the reason I'm not over it is because I don't want to be over it. And then I get confused and start thinking of other things.

I've been blessed to meet two other bipolar scrappers in the last couple weeks. I don't know why this encourages me, but it does. Maybe it means that if I become a total bitch again I'll have someone to run to who understands.

I took a couple extra mintues after dinner clean-up to shine my sink. Haven't done that in quite awhile and it looks nice.

What a nutty bachelor!

Well shoot... I thought I was sitting down to watch the premier of The Bachelor, but this is apparently the SECOND episode. Darn it darn it darn it! And this guy is such a fruit cake. He is either really playing up to the camera or he is just really that confident with just being himself.

OMG, is this girl going to dye her hair?

Time change, time change

Oh this time change managed to kick our butts today. I don't know if I was supposed to sleep in or wake early, but I slept-in either way, which is something I never do. John left for the airport around 11:30 and after I checked my email and boards and finally took a shower it was 12:30 and I felt like the day was only just beginning. The kids just could NOT fall asleep... Eden was up till 11:00.

11:00!

John called the last 10 mintues of Desperate Housewives. Mentioned that he was watching it too. Um... why didn't he wait 10 mintues to call?

Late at night the commercials seem to consist of 900 sex numbers and lawyer ads. Is there some kind of strange connection here?